


Whatever it Takes

by haldoor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 20:49:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> Not for the show; anonymous sexual pick-ups mentioned<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I don't own them; I make no money<br/><b>Beta:</b> The always willing and helpful <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/"></a><b>siluria</b>. Thanks again, love!<br/><b>Summary:</b> Steve goes looking for something to take his mind off things when a case turns bad; Danny tries to give him some advice, but he just doesn't understand what it takes to help Steve forget<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever it Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Another first time fic that just had to be written for no reason at all, apparently. Thank you to my wonderful slash twin [](http://kaige68.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://kaige68.livejournal.com/)**kaige68** for all the cheerleading and also for giving me the line about the Pope – your generosity knows no bounds! Best line ever, thank you, darlink! *smooches*

It didn't do any good. It never did.

It didn't seem to stop Steve, all the same. He got out of the bed, seeking his clothes and leaving before the anonymous fuck he'd picked up could say anything.

Berating himself for the foolishness, he got into his truck and turned the key, putting his foot down and peeling away in a burst of gravel and dirt, anger making him shake.

He was angry at himself most of all, although currently he also hated the scumbags who had kidnapped and killed two innocent kids before Five-0 could find them. Then there was Doris for outwitting his attempt to have her followed, Danny for being the voice of reason, Catherine for being so relaxed about them and just... everything about his so-called life right now.

By the time he got home he didn't feel any better; if anything he could only add feeling ashamed and dirty to the list of reasons to hate himself. Going indoors, he headed straight for the shower without turning on the lights, but a voice in the darkness had him reaching for the gun he wasn't wearing and tensing up before he recognized who it was.

"What the hell?" he asked, switching on the nearest light. "Danny? What's up? We catch another case?"

"No, nothing like that. I wanted to check that you weren't out seeking vengeance by way of blowing up those assholes' relatives or something."

Steve glanced around him, finding everything in place, and then focused on Danny, sitting alone and forlorn on his couch.

"So you came here? Waiting for me in the dark?" Furrowing his brow in confusion, he took a step closer, thinking to sit in the chair opposite. Remembering where he'd just been, he changed his mind, sure he probably stank of beer, cigarettes and the cologne of the fake blond he'd just been in bed with, not to mention the sex. Instead, he headed for the kitchen, opening the fridge. "You want a beer?" he called back over his shoulder.

"Yeah. A beer sounds good, although I suspect you've already had a few, going by the smell." Danny followed him, looking at him suspiciously when Steve handed him a bottle.

Swallowing a mouthful, Steve nodded, dropping his eyes away as the shame hit him again. "Outside? I need... air."

Danny lifted an eyebrow but nodded and followed him wordlessly, opening his own bottle on the way and dropping into the chair next to Steve's before he spoke again.

"Not an easy ending, huh? That why you...?" Danny gestured, dropping the words in favor of a questioning look.

Steve nodded, turning to gaze out over the moonlit water. "Yeah. You too?"

"Not the bar and certainly not the pick-up, but I will admit I had a shot of scotch when I got home."

"Pick-up?" Steve heard his own voice sounding strangled and steadfastly refused to look at Danny.

Danny huffed disbelievingly. "You have beer at home; if it was just about that, you'd have come straight back here."

"How long have you been here?" Steve asked, avoiding any kind of admission.

"Long enough to figure it out. Does Catherine know about your little... indiscretions?"

Steve smiled, though he wasn't the least bit amused, and carefully took another gulp of beer before offering any words. "You think this isn't the first time." It wasn't a question.

"You going to say otherwise?"

"I told you, Danny, Catherine's not my girlfriend. We've never been exclusive. Ask her; see what she says if you don't believe me."

"At least tell me you don't do anything risky?"

Steve finally chanced a look at Danny, though he didn't keep his eyes on him for long. "Risky? What kid of risky? You think I wouldn't practice safe sex? I'm not stupid, Danny. The last thing I'd do is pass something on..." He ran out of steam, gulping from the bottle, his heart thumping hard.

"Why?"

"Why?" Steve repeated, screwing up his face in something close to anger as he managed to hold Danny's eyes this time. "Why what? Take risks, practice safe sex, or not pass on diseases?"

"No," Danny shook his head, eyes sharp as he took in Steve's expression. "Why would you go elsewhere? Why not call Cath? She's in town."

Steve dropped his eyes, shaking his head, and shut his mouth, taking his time to place the bottle with precision on the ground next to his chair.

Danny huffed again. "Okay, fine, don't tell me."

"I have no intention of doing so."

"You just..." Danny paused, taking a deep breath, and shifted in his chair. "How does sex with an anonymous stranger help in any way, huh? How?"

"I get off, h- they get off; for a while we both forget what crap drove us into the bar."

Danny frowned, but didn't call him out on the almost-slip. "And you find 'a while' is enough? What about when it's over? You're still pissed as hell, you need more beer and now you feel dirty on top of it all. That really helps, does it?"

"Actually, it does. And how do you know whether it makes me feel dirty or not?" Steve was starting to get angry for real now. "I suppose you're going to say you've never fucked someone you didn't know just to get something out of your system or to relieve some tension?"

"No! As it happens, I know exactly what that's like, and in the end it's a completely pointless exercise."

"So, what are you saying? You think it would be better if I fucked Cath in anger; took it out on her?"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"You know what, Danny?" Steve stood up and gestured irritably past the house. "I don't think I want to know whatever it is you are trying to say. You deal with this your way and I'll deal with it mine, okay?"

"Fine." Danny stood up and stomped over to where Steve was.

Heart thumping even faster, Steve stood his ground, nostrils flaring, uncertain exactly what Danny intended.

"Here," Danny said, handing Steve his beer. "You probably need this more than I do. You just keep telling yourself that whoever you screwed tonight needed an anonymous fuck as much as you did. And when you come to your senses in the morning and regret the whole damned thing, remember this: you have friends who are going through the exact same anger over what those scumbags did as you are, and they would have been happy to keep you company just shooting the breeze or getting bombed with you or whatever it took, so you didn't have to go out and do what you did."

Steve couldn't help focusing on the _whatever it took_ , and he laughed, turning away from Danny.

"What's so funny?" Danny sounded genuinely perplexed.

"Nothing. Not a damned thing."

Danny huffed one last time behind Steve, and then Steve could hear him walking away.

Danny didn't have a damned clue what _it took_.

~//~

"I'm sorry."

"I beg your pardon?" Steve frowned at Danny, only partly understanding.

"I shouldn't have… last night. It isn't my place to tell you how to handle your problems."

Steve stood up from his desk, rounding it as he took in the dejected look on his partner's face. "Something happen since then?"

"Apart from me realizing the holier-than-thou attitude in what I said to you, no."

"Okay," Steve allowed, cautious all the same. "Apology accepted."

"Good." Danny nodded, pushing his hands into his pockets and licking his lips like there was more than just the apology on his mind.

"Did you… want something else?" Steve leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms across his chest.

"How about… if something like that last case happens again…" Danny took a breath, rocking on the balls of his feet, his eyes holding something Steve couldn't quite read. "You call me? We can have a few beers, commiserate together, and…" He licked his lips again, unconsciously Steve assumed, though he couldn't have the slightest idea what effect it had on Steve. "Then, if you still need to…" This time, Danny took his hands out of his pockets and gestured outwards with both of them. "You can do what you _need_."

Steve realized, somewhere in amongst all the words, that Danny was making a very generous offer, considering how clear he'd made his disapproval last night.

"Are you sure something didn't happen?" Steve couldn't help asking.

Danny shook his head and shrugged, holding his hands palm up in supplication. "What's with the doubt? You didn't ever have a change of heart?"

"Sure, once or twice. But it's not like you to have such a strong opinion on something just to turn around the next day. I'm sorry if it makes me suspicious."

"Well, don't expect it too often, but… just take the offer, huh?"

Steve studied Danny's eyes a moment longer. He hated being mad at Danny; he managed a smile. "You got it, babe."

Danny smiled back. "That's more like it."

~//~

By the next time a case went south, Steve had almost forgotten Danny's offer.

They got the creep who was murdering co-eds, but not before three of them were dead, and that was three more than Steve was happy with. The only saving grace was that they managed to catch him before he could kill a fourth.

Steve couldn't stop thinking about the waste of life involved; how much potential the loss of three talented and intelligent young women represented. After the paperwork was done and the perp was on his way to spending the rest of his life behind bars, Steve took a breath, looked around his office and headed out. Kono and Chin had already gone home, and Steve assumed Danny was on his way to collect Grace.

He stopped dead outside at the sight of Danny leaning on the side of his truck. "What gives?"

"What gives is that you have clearly forgotten the agreement we had."

"Agreement?"

Danny raised his eyebrows. "You're telling me that commiserating with me instead of screwing anonymous pick-ups to help make you forget a crappy case has gone right out of your head already?"

It did ring bells; of course it did. "Oh, that."

Steve headed for the driver's seat, deliberately not looking as Danny got in next to him.

"Yes, _that_."

"I thought you had Grace this weekend?"

"Not till tomorrow. Turns out she has a sleepover at a friend's tonight."

"Oh, okay." Steve flicked a sideways glance at Danny as he backed out of the parking space and turned the truck homeward. Danny looked as annoyed as Steve had been feeling before he sighted Danny by the truck. "It got to you too?"

Danny nodded his head, eyes on his knees. "Can't stop thinking how in a few more years – too few, really – one of those girls could have been Grace. I don't know what I'd do if-"

"Don't go there, Danny. I know what you mean; I get it completely, but if you do that every time a young woman gets killed…" Steve's voice stuck and he couldn't get any more words out.

"I know. I know that, babe, but… sometimes… That second victim, Josie Kalani… she had eyes like Grace's. I just…" He took a breath and turned his head away, gazing out the window.

Danny's reply was soft, and Steve couldn't look at him; he concentrated on the road. His heart tightened in his chest. For him, this case had been crappy from the start, but for Danny… Danny had seen something much closer to home in it and Steve hadn't realized until now, but he should have; he should have recognized what was in Danny's heart when they'd seen Josie Kalani's body.

"I'm sorry, Danny." The words seemed completely inadequate, but Steve had no idea what else would help.

"It's not your fault, babe. You did everything you could. At least we stopped the mother-fucking bastard."

There was a vicious anger in the last sentence that Steve hadn't expected and he turned towards Danny, a little shocked. Danny's head was still turned away though, and a feeling of helplessness went through Steve as he focused back on the road, his throat too tight for speech.

The rest of the trip was made in wary silence, Steve afraid to change topic for fear that Danny would think him heartless, but he couldn't touch on the case again right now either.

He pulled the truck into his driveway, turning off the ignition and removing the key. Heart pumping just a little fast, he managed a look at Danny, who hadn't moved yet. "You okay, babe?"

Danny blinked, and then focused on Steve, giving him a quick smile before nodding and getting out. Steve followed suit.

"Where's that beer?" Danny rubbed his hands together as they made their way inside, his manner completely different from the morose front he'd presented in the car.

"Coming right up," Steve promised, glad to have got past the awkwardness.

Once they were seated on the lanai with bottles in hand, Steve breathed out slowly, letting the quiet ease of sitting calmly with his best friend fill him.

"What do they do that Cath won't?" Danny said out of nowhere.

Steve was too stunned to answer immediately, though he knew exactly what Danny referred to.

"I'm assuming that's it? They give you something she won't – or can't?" Danny looked at him in curiosity, his expression as easy as if he'd just asked Steve what baseball team he supported.

"I'm not telling you that," Steve got out gruffly, shifting his gaze uneasily out over the water and gulping half his beer in one go. "Why would you even ask? It's not like I ask what you do in bed."

"Fair point," Danny agreed, downing more of his own beer.

The conversation blip didn't last, thankfully, with Danny switching subjects to the last game they'd watched together as easily as if it hadn't happened. Three beers later and Steve had practically forgotten it himself as he got up to find fresh bottles, feeling decidedly light-headed.

As he handed the beer to Danny and sat down heavily, Danny said, "I did it a few times too, before I was married."

Steve, having forgotten what they'd been discussing previously, had no clue what Danny was talking about. "You did what, Danno?"

"I guess it's typical of single guys and..." He flicked a quick look at Steve who could only blink at him curiously. "...quite a few not so single too. A quick anonymous fuck to help you forget. Only you don't really, do you? And then... eventually, something about one of those 'quick fucks' comes back to haunt you." He took a long swig from the new bottle, eyes averted.

Steve frowned and looked away. "You need to let it go, Danny." As if that was likely.

"See, in my case, it was a pregnancy scare. This woman... how she tracked me down I don't know, but she was not at all like Rachel; not someone I expected to see in my precinct mouthing off to everyone about how I was the one that 'fathered the unborn bastard she was carrying' – her words, not mine." Danny looked pointedly at Steve. "And at that stage, quite obviously some months since I had supposedly done said fathering, Rachel was on the scene. The last thing I wanted was her to find out I had been sowing my oats around – particularly considering exactly what sort of field I'd been plowing."

"What happened?" Steve couldn't stop himself from asking.

"I got her out of there faster than you'd probably believe. Made sure she had all the health checks and a paternity test – at my expense – as soon as possible. I wasn't the father, I'm relieved to say, and Rachel never found out about it, but it was a close run thing. If I had..." He paused, lowering the bottle and studying Steve intently. "I would have taken care of the baby, but... you get what I'm saying."

Steve nodded, glad that the incident had passed without something much more complicated for Danny. He leaned back in his chair, processing what Danny was suggesting could happen to Steve too if he wasn't careful. "It's not likely in my case," he muttered, putting his bottle to his mouth.

"Why? Because you always use condoms? You're shooting blanks?"

"No, because I don't sleep with-" Steve cut himself off, realizing belatedly what he'd just about given away, and coughed, gulping from the bottle again to cover his words.

"Don't sleep with who?"

"It doesn't matter. I get what you're saying, Danny. It might not be the same thing, but _something_ could bite me in the ass; I _get_ it. Don't worry; I'm not even thinking about that tonight."

"You may not be thinking about it, Steven, but telling me that is not going to derail me from seeking the answer to the question you're trying to avoid."

Steve stood up, moving closer to the water's edge in the dimming light of another beautiful evening, his head starting to spin. "I'm not avoiding anything."

He could hear Danny get out of his seat behind him but he didn't turn around.

"No?" Danny was right at his shoulder now. "Oh that's right; you're not avoiding anything and I'm the real King Kamehameha."

"Believe me, you don't want to be king, Danny." Steve offered a quick smile in Danny's direction, and then swallowed what was left of the beer in his bottle.

Danny snorted, took a draught from his own beer, and said quietly, "What's so terrible that you can't tell me?"

Steve closed his eyes, feeling the spin even faster that way. Opening them again, he took a deep breath, preparing himself. Danny was like a dog with a bone; he didn't let go of anything easily, and he didn't seem about to give up on this particularly juicy one.

"It's not women."

Danny tipped his head like he hadn't heard properly. "What isn't?"

"You asked what it is Cath can't give me. Cock: that's what she doesn't have; that's what I go looking for." His anger started to rise as Steve spoke, and he knew his voice was getting louder but he couldn't seem to stop the stream of foul words. "I find guys who are willing to fuck me, Danny. They bend me over and shove their cocks up my ass. Or else I go down on my knees and let them fuck my mouth. It doesn't matter which; the harder the better…"

Finally, he ran out of steam and stopped, breaths coming harsh and hard. Danny hadn't moved and was completely silent. Steve couldn't look at him – couldn't manage to steal even the tiniest glance – too afraid of what he would see in Danny's eyes.

Taking another deep breath, Steve added in low tones, his self-disgust evident to his own ears. "You wanted to know, so now you do."

The silence was filled only by the quiet susurration of the sea. Steve didn't have a clue what to say or do next. He stood where he was, clutching his empty beer bottle tightly in one hand, tense with fear and waiting for Danny to say or do something.

"Well," Danny finally said, and then stopped. He shook his head lightly, making Steve frown at him in curiosity. Without another word, Danny turned on his heel and walked away.

Steve, too stunned to comprehend the significance of the movement for a moment, turned slowly, but didn't follow, watching as Danny rounded the house, disappearing from view. Steve blinked several times, watching the spot where Danny had vanished, but he didn't return. It was only when he heard the Camaro's engine being gunned that Steve realized Danny had gone for real.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit." Steve scowled at the beer bottle in his hand; lifting it like he would throw it, but his protective instincts of the island's unwary fauna wouldn't let him defile the beach in such a way. He dropped it at his feet, shaking with the anger that he had only himself to direct it towards, burying his head in both hands as harsh sobs choked in his throat.

~//~

Steve was in the bathroom when he heard his front door open and close again. It was mid-morning of the next day – Saturday – and he'd barely slept all night; tossing and turning as he berated himself for not handling the conversation with Danny better. He'd been up since five and had a grueling run followed by a long swim, but his tension still wouldn't let up.

There was no way he'd go out looking for the anonymous sex he'd described to Danny – even had the hour been conducive to finding someone willing – with the thought of Danny picturing him in God knew what position with some guy's cock shoved where it probably shouldn't be. The only other choice available was cleaning, and Steve was no stranger to that.

Three hours later and he knew most of the house was spotless, with nothing out of place. He still needed to work though, so he had taken to the corners of the bathroom to remove any dust and stains he might have missed on the first go around.

He knew whoever had come in without knocking could only be one person, and continued working as he waited for Danny to find him. He could pretend last night was all some kind of drunken joke if that's what it took to get past it.

"It's hardly surprising to find you kneeling in front of the toilet I suppose, after last night's beer – that's presuming you worked your way through plenty more after I left – but I really wasn't expecting the scrubbing brush."

When Steve glanced up, Danny was leaning against the bathroom door, eyes narrowed and arms crossed. Steve didn't say anything, unsure of Danny's mood, and turned back to the job in hand.

"I can see you've worked your way through the whole house already. Your coffee machine looked so pristine I was scared to touch it for fear of a court-martial on the grounds of leaving finger prints on it. You gonna stop any time soon?"

"No," was all Steve offered, scrubbing harder.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Do you care?" Steve threw over his shoulder, squinting at a particularly stubborn stain as he rubbed harder.

Danny made an exasperated sound, shifting behind him. "Of course I care! You tell me you go out looking for... for... _that_ kind of anonymous sex and _exactly_ how you like it and you think, just because I walk away to wrap my head around exactly what it means, that I don't... For Christ's sake, Steven, can you stop abusing that damn toilet and actually look at me?"

Steve stopped moving the brush, and swallowed, heart thumping, but didn't look in Danny's direction. "I don't need to look at you."

"That is where you are wrong, my friend. You do need to look at me. You need to see that I am not disgusted; that I am, in fact, more concerned by your over-enthusiastic use of the scrubbing brush than anything else right now. What is this, some kind of punishment for all the dirty thoughts you've been having? Scrub everything in the house down to the bare bones and no one will ever suspect you like cock as well as pussy?"

"No! Yes. Maybe." Steve still couldn't face Danny, no matter what he appeared to be saying.

There was a pause and he could hear Danny's sigh. "Would you look at me, dammit?"

Steve shook his head, feeling the flush rise. Even if Danny wasn't disgusted with him, Steve was.

He imagined the frustrated expression that was probably on Danny's face right now, and couldn't help wondering what Danny hoped to achieve by coming over here today. The silence stretched, but neither of them moved for a few long moments. Steve could feel his heartbeat thudding hard inside his chest.

"Why don't you just go, Danny?" he murmured. "Let me finish this. I'll see you when we get another case, okay?"

Danny huffed angrily and Steve could practically feel the aggravated gesture behind him.

"What will it take, huh? Should I tell you I have the occasional fantasy about being shoved up hard against a wall and kissed to within an inch of my life, or... or maybe being pushed down onto a bed and getting fingered until I come without my cock being touched? Or... should I confess exactly _who_ I imagine doing it to me?"

Steve did look up then, blinking in shock. None of what Danny was saying was necessarily as homosexual as Steve's confession of the night before, but something in his tone made Steve's mind go there. "Who?"

"Who? The Pope! I've been praying for years that I'd get fingered by the pope! Now he's retiring to 'meditate'... well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Oh my God, you idiot! Are you really that dumb?" Danny's scowl and gestures were extreme, even for him.

Steve, blindsided by the outburst and stunned to silence, still kneeling on the floor, just looked up at him, blinking like a deer in the headlights.

Exasperation radiated from Danny as he shook his head. "You! It's _you_! You beautiful dumb idiot!" His words lost the vehemence as Steve's mouth gaped, and the next sentence was spoken softly. "For months now, every time I imagine myself with someone... it's _you_."

Danny tried for a smile; failed, and looked away, rubbing his face, and then offered Steve the saddest look.

Steve dropped the scrubbing brush and struggled to stand, ignoring the pins and needles in his feet. "I had no idea..." The words were soft and as apologetic as anything he'd ever said to Danny.

"Okay, you really are that dumb." Danny nodded, gesturing unevenly but not moving from the doorway.

"Evidently," Steve said, letting his lip quirk up in the barest of smiles. He couldn't believe it; it seemed far too unlikely. Letting his eyes sweep over Danny's face, he suddenly realized that Danny's manner was as doubtful as his own had been: he didn't have a clue what Steve felt for him. "Jesus, Danny, if only I'd known..."

He took the few steps between them and dragged Danny into the clumsiest embrace he'd ever attempted, planting a wet kiss right on his mouth, and holding on tight. Danny tensed for a second and then, abruptly, gave into it, kissing back for all he was worth.

Steve's heart still thumped hard in his chest, and he felt dizzy, but for different reasons from last time. Pulling back enough to grin breathlessly at Danny without losing contact, he said, "That's the kissing part taken care of. If I let you fuck me now, when you recover, will I get to finger you till you come?"

Danny huffed at him, his own grin widening ridiculously. Steve didn't think he'd seen the man look so happy since the last time Grace hugged him.

"Promise me you'll help me get your bed dirty and you won't get up immediately after the sex to change the sheets, and you got it."

Steve grinned, too overcome – with what had rapidly become an overwhelming joy of his own – to speak, and managed a nod.

"Oh, and one more thing?"

"Anything, Danno. Anything." And he meant it.

"No more anonymous fucks. Next time you need something like that to get past a rough case, you let me know. The only person who should be shoving his cock into you is _me_." Danny grabbed at Steve's ass for emphasis, grinding the hardness of his dick deliciously into Steve's.

"You got that right." Steve went in for another warm, wet kiss as he pushed Danny through the bathroom door and maneuvred him towards the bed. "Starting right now."

~//~


End file.
